Stephen Wilson Jr. was a scientist who worked for Mars, Inc. (Yes, the Candy Company).
One day, his boss dragged him into the office and said something that changed his life:
“Stephen, you will be promoted soon.”
Normally this would have been a cause for celebration, but his boss took this as a warning instead.
In a past life, Stephen was a guitarist in a small indie rock band. He also spent his evenings writing songs.
His boss knew that Stephen was a damn good songwriter and where he really belonged.
He said to Stephen about the golden handcuffs:
“You’re in line for promotion, and they’re preparing you for the next level.
And you’re kind of at a crossroads.
Because if you take [the promotion]as I realized 30 years ago, your dreams of being a songwriter, they will disappear. This will eat every bit of you.
Right now you can write songs and do this job, but in 6 months I’m not sure you’ll be able to. So I just want to warn you.”
That small voice in Stephen’s head, which had been there for years and years, began to grow louder.
6 weeks later, with that inner voice now deafeningly loud, he quit his 2 week job, confusing all (except for your boss and his wife).
He started bartending and waitressing to make ends meet while honing his craft, trying to get country music deals…while being turned down for not writing “bro country” songs:
He was told: “You write REAL songs. We can’t do anything about it…”
Years later, after modest success writing songs for other musicians, he finally gathered the courage, experience and strength to start recording his own songs.
And last year he finally released his debut album, Daddy’s sonwhich Rolling Stone called one of the best albums of 2023.
Recently, Stephen dropped a a stunning cover of “Stand By Me” by Ben E. King, which I have listened to approximately 10,000 times in the past month.
(Seriously, watch this video. You’ll get goosebumps!).
Golden handcuffs against unpleasant enlargement
From 2008-2010 I also lived a double life.
I had my day job at Sixthman, helping promote and produce floating music festivals. But I also spent nights and weekends working on a small website helping geeks get fit.
My boss April and my mentor Andy (who owned the company) knew where my heart was; they encouraged me to chase the awkward future of trying to make Nerd Fitness my career.
16 years later, we’re still going strong!
At Oliver Burkeman’s Four thousand weeksencourages us to ask a specific question when making decisions in life:
“Where in your life or work are you currently looking for comfort and what is needed is a little discomfort?”
Asking “what would make me the happiest” will most likely lead us towards a short-term, comfortable, safe option.
Instead, we should be thinking about which path will cause us to GROW as a person, or which version will cause us to LOWER each week. We probably know the answer to the question deep down, if we have the courage to ask it.
Burkeman’s advice:
“Whenever you can, choose an uncomfortable increase over a comfortable decrease.”
Yes, sometimes chasing the “inconvenient raise” doesn’t result in a songwriting contract or successful business. I chose an uncomfortable path and sometimes things don’t go well. But it’s part of the process and at least removes the possibility of unhealthy regret!
Which brings me to today’s mission.
Make us uncomfortable
We are chasing an unpleasant expansion in 2025.
- When we strength train, we make our muscles uncomfortable by lifting more and more weight – they respond by growing and adapting.
- If we use food as a coping mechanism when we’re sad or angry or bored, dealing with our relationship with food can be uncomfortable.
- When we have awkward conversations, we can finally deepen our relationships or stand up for the things that matter to us.
In 2025, let’s ask the question:
Where in your life you live comfortably in comfort and safety, when deep inside you know that the path of “uncomfortable expansion” is what you really need to grow and help you get what you really want?
You may not have to quit your job right away or invest everything in a new goal or change…
But it might be worth asking yourself that uncomfortable question.
Life is hard, and change is harder.
Uncomfortable.
Terrifying.
messy.
But if you’re willing to say NO to comfort, it could be just what you need.
-Steve
P.S: We are doing a free 5-day workshop for people who want to form new habits that will stick in 2025, it starts in a few days!
