A few years ago, I attended my friend Nick’s 40th birthday party.
As part of the celebration, he engaged an improvisational comic, and we all had to participate in learning improvised comedy.
(I just felt the collective shudder of all the introverts reading this newsletter).
We started throwing fun scenarios and scenes in which we will participate, and we learned about the most important rule of Improv: “Yes and.”
Two simple words and the basis of the entire improvised comedy:
Whenever someone comes up with a scene, sentence or situation, the ONLY acceptable answer is: “yes and”
- Yes: acceptance! I accept and admit that whatever the situation is, no matter how absurd it is, it is true.
- And: build! Like a tennis match, after your impromptu partner hits the ball, it’s your job to hit back! Building on a situation or scene.
For example, if your improv partner says, “I’m a space pirate,” your response might be:
- “Yes, and I’m the space police, you’re under arrest!”
- “Yeah, I’m the first officer looking for a new crew too, this is perfect!”
- “Yes, and my name is Captain Hook, welcome to the Anonymous Pirates.”
The “yes and” rule is so important, because there’s nothing worse than a bad improvement partner!
Something like Liam Neeson in this short sketch with Ricky Gervais, (I laugh every time):
Yes, and a rule for life
As a former “gifted child” who overachieved and has a pretty negative inner critic, I’ve worked hard to incorporate “yes and” into my life.
The “yes” part is built around acceptance, which is something I’ve spent the last two years working to embrace.
Check out my past essays on acceptance and Wabi Sabi for more.
It’s the “and” part that I’ve been focusing on lately.
As dr. Kristen Neff points out in her book Self-compassionlife is complex, like people:
“Judgment defines people as bad versus good and tries to capture their essential nature with simple labels.
Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.”
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Things are never as good or as bad as our brain thinks they are.
So, despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything in black and white, yes-or-no, good-bad… We must remember that life is a beautifully complicated mess.
Writer F. Scott Fitzgerald once said:
A test of first-rate intelligence is the ability to simultaneously hold two opposing ideas in the mind while still retaining the ability to function.
One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them different.
This is my task for you today.
Is there a part of your life that seems black and white and could use a little complexity instead?
Nothing is as simple as it seems.
Life is hard and change is hard. And you are a good person who works hard.
Which means there is hope. AND hope is a warrior’s emotion.
Also, please go watch it Liam Neeson sketch.
Not at all.
-Steve
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