No action is too small in relationships. Any small change you make.
As a pair therapist with over 30 years of experience, I have seen partners repeating many of the same mistakes, often unconscious. Usually, these Continuous patterns started early in relationship.
But don’t worry if you’re wrong now. Simple changes, at any time, can cross a long way to turn things around.
Here are six usual tendencies that should be avoided in a relationship, especially in the early years:
1. Wings
Most people are. We do what was Following us to grow upOr maybe the opposite.
While educating ourselves as professionals and parents, most of us do not realize that we need to learn how to be a good partner: to deal with conflict effectively Become a good listenerrepair and constantly invest in staying related.
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I invite you to see yourself as partners in training and proactively spend the learning time from articles, books and even therapies.
2. Holding a partner responsible for your happiness and well -being
AND Fulfilling a relationshipWhere love grows constantly, it begins when every person realizes that their happiness and fulfillment belong to their own hands, not partners. This is exactly why the “relationship with yourself” is set up as the first pillar in my book “Hmish marriage: healing your relationship with responsibility, growth, priority and purpose,“And as a basis for the construction of long -lasting love.
When you invest in self -awareness, set yourself up to live more authentic and happier. Knowing yourself becomes an entrance to treat yourself with kindness, challenging yourself to grow and eventually take responsibility for your well -being.
3. Watching a conflict as a bad sign
One of the most interesting errors that young couples create out of belief that a good relationship should be smooth sailing, with minimal struggle or discomfort. The misconception often prevents them from coming to consultation before, because they are afraid that the recognition of tension means something worse than he really does.
But alive, a breathing relationship or marriage actually means interruption and reconnection. This is how we build trust and grow. Here’s what I often say when couples first enter therapy:
“I’m glad you are here. Your friction is not a bad sign. It means you are called to grow. It is crucial to learn how to approach your conflict to help you grow in person and closer. Start with the normalization of your challenges and accepting the problems you have, and do not look for a quick relief or avoid them. ”
4. Try to change your partner
When something about your partner gets under your skin, it is a natural tendency to try to change them.
Yes, it is important to get rid of the questions that bothers you. But more often than not, too much focuses on what’s wrong. When you feel a tendency to criticize or change your partner, ask yourself:
- “Can I use this moment to become patient, safer with myself, tolerant or unconditional love?”
- “Is there growing for me here?”
- “Do I do something similar?”
- “Do I expect perfection?”
- “Am I appreciated enough everything my partner is and give?”
5. Loss of priority
Initially, it is easy to nurture our partners. But to ensure that our partner feels like the most important other person in our lives should be a priority in progress.
The most common threat I consider to be that priority is when the couple becomes family to the children. Law, work or too much concern about what others think of the need for the needs or feelings of your partner can also interfere with.
Young couples should be looking for simple ways to fight for their relationship and make their partner feel gently. That could mean a night and night of growth, first for fun, and the second to talk about what feels good or not so well about.
6. Thinking about a little
It is important to take care of yourself, to invest in Our own happinessand nurture people in our immediate circles and community. At the same time, in order to take advantage of everything the relationship can bring into our lives, we must think bigger.
In search of ways in which you can, and as a par-you can improve the world, adds the dimension of strength and fulfillment that no amount of satisfaction needs to bring your relationship.
Don’t feel like you have to save the world in one day. You can start with a small, like volunteering, making meals to someone who is ill or greeting guests to your home. The idea is to feed, like a couple, parts of you you love to give, in all growing ways.
I discover that when my husband and I put together our energy together for the sake of others, the spirit of generosity smooths our differences and brings us even closer.
Rachel,, Edd, is a licensed professional advisor with more than 30 years as couples and individual therapist. She taught and created workshops for organizations such as: YPO, Kabalah Center, Onevillage, University of Missouri and psychotherapy Saint Louis. Rachel is also the author “Soul Marriage: Healing your relationship with responsibility, growth, priority and purpose.”
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