Jinger Duggar recalls struggles after ‘cult’ upbringing

After Jinger Duggar Vuolo broke free from her strict household in Arkansas, she and her husband headed to Texas, but she didn’t find salvation there.

“I was in Laredo for two and a half years,” the 31-year-old recalled to Fox News Digital. “As we were leaving Texas, one of the women in our community said, ‘I’m going to miss you, but I also feel like I haven’t met you. Maybe you haven’t let me into your life as much as I’d like to.'”

“It hit me like a ton of bricks,” she admitted. “I was so careful. I was so afraid of what people thought of me that I wanted to continue with this performance. I was afraid that if I showed them that I had hard days, they wouldn’t like it. Maybe they thought I wasn’t sure about which I didn’t know because I grew up in such a tight-knit community where it was iconic in many ways.”

JINGER DUGGAR SAYS ‘FREE’ FROM ‘CULT’ RELIGIOUS UPBRINGING: ‘IT JUST EAT MY LIFE’

The mother of two children, who is expecting her third child, has written a new book, “People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations.”

It is a sequel to her 2023 book, “Becoming Free Indeed,” in which she detailed what made her leave her former church.

“I exposed the harmful teachings I was raised under,” former “Counting On” star. explained. “But then I began to realize that I was so caught up in what people thought of me that I was reluctant to talk about the subject. I was so afraid of losing my community, my friends, my family, the ones I love so much.”

“I thought that if I spoke against them, I would risk everything,” she said. “And as a people pleaser, what I feared most was the disapproval I faced.”

Bill Gothard, who was a prominent Christian evangelist, founded the Institute for Basic Life Principles (IBLP) in 1961. His organization held Bible-based seminars across the country on topics ranging from conflict resolution to achieving financial success.

WATCH: JINGER DUGGAR OPENS UP ABOUT ESCAPE FROM MANIPULATION AND CONTROL OF PARENTS’ RELIGIOUS BELIEFS

Duggar Vuolo was raised by her parents, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, devout followers of the IBLP. The movement teaches that wives should be subservient to their husbands and that followers should stay away from dancing, dating and most pop culture, People magazine previously reported.

Representatives for IBLP and Gothard did not respond to Fox News Digital’s request for comment on Duggar Vuol’s first book.

Duggar Vuolo left the church in 2017 and moved to Texas. Her decision to speak out in “Becoming Free Indeed” was not welcomed by everyone.

“I think it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I realized that at the end of the day I have to tell my truth,” she said. “It was difficult because I received some criticism from friends and loved ones.

“It was difficult… But at the same time, there was a large majority of them who were helped [what I said]. They thought, ‘I haven’t stopped to consider whether these teachings are true.'”

“Helping people get out of the cult teachings I was raised under has been the most rewarding thing,” she claimed. “Looking back, I could have kept quiet as a people pleaser. But then so many people would still be stuck with those teachings. It was more encouraging than anything to see the number of people I helped by sharing my stories.”

Dugger Vuolo said that leaving opened up new fears and struggles for her. She felt a relentless need to be the perfect wife for her husband, Jeremy Vuolo. The couple got married in 2016.

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I didn’t realize all the baggage I was carrying with me, she said. “Bill Gothard’s teachings were so ingrained in me that I had trouble speaking my mind. I had trouble thinking deeply for myself. I always tried to be so agreeable with Jeremy… Because according to those teachings, you always have to keep everyone happy and your on the good side, especially your husband won’t leave you like that.”

Duggar Vuolo said Jeremy, 37, was stunned.

“He said, ‘This is crazy,'” she recalled. “I was afraid to have a different opinion about anything big or small. He wouldn’t let me stay there. He said, ‘I want to know who you are. I want to know what you think about this subject. I want to know what’s going on in your mind. I don’t want to be my clone.’ For the first time, I began to understand that arguments are not the same as rejection, and if you disagree with your spouse, that’s not a bad thing.”

“I realized I had to think for myself,” she continued. “I had to speak up if I felt uncomfortable about something or if I had a different opinion. Jeremy encouraged that in our relationship and encouraged me to speak up. He gave me a safe space to talk.

“I think that eventually led me to a place where I could speak out and share those people-pleasing stories and expose the teachings of Bill Gothard… When we are freed to speak, we can be loving because we can speak out against bullies and protect the most vulnerable around us. “

Duggar Vuolo said she only decided to talk about her anxieties when she had postpartum depression from her first pregnancy. The couple have daughters Felicity (6) and Evangeline (3).

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“It was hard to realize that I had a lot of work to do,” she said. “I didn’t realize how much [the past] affected me. It was hard to even admit it. But then I started talking to Jeremy and then to my friends about the many differences in my upbringing.”

“Layer by layer, I began to understand that these were not biblical teachings, but only the opinion of a man,” she claimed of her former church. “They were based on fear. They were superstitious. They kept me bound in fear… I realized that I was living such a life paralyzed by fear where I couldn’t even love others around me because I was so afraid.

“I wanted to turn to isolation… And being raised in public from the age of 10 also put a different pressure on me… I was afraid to speak because Bill Gothard said we should always have a perfect smile on our faces. “

Duggar Vuolo and her family moved to Los Angeles in 2019. There she felt “freer” and made many friends who supported her. She also had some new experiences.

“Even if it’s music that has drums, we shouldn’t have listened to it because it could be harmful to us,” she said. “My little ones like to dance… It was with disapproval. But [I realized] God has given us so many great things to enjoy. And yet many of these things were seen as wrong.

“I see freedom and joy with my kids… One of my girls wants to do ‘princess ballet.’ I wouldn’t be encouraged to do any kind of dance, but now I see their personalities blossom.”

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“One of the biggest struggles for me was to separate the truth from the delusion,” she pointed out. “It’s no longer a burden or a duty to try to follow all these rules, like not wearing pants, not listening to music with drums, not going to the movies. I want to live a life honoring Godbut it is not based on fear.

“Now I see God as a loving heavenly Father instead of a domineering taskmaster. I can enjoy life to the fullest and the gifts God has given us. That… would be suffocated because you would live in superstition and fear… Now I have more clarity. Now I can see God as I ought to see Him.”

Today, Duggar Vuolo has a close relationship with his mom. She dedicated her second book to her. However, when it comes to her father, things are “complicated”.

“There are difficult relationships with family“, she said. “I think anyone who has a big family, there’s going to be a lot of different personalities… I think I get it… We can agree to disagree.

“I still want to have a decent relationship with my loved ones, whether we see eye to eye or not. I want to make sure that whatever I do, I love them too. Sometimes that means telling the truth and having different opinions about things.”

Life is far from perfect for Duggar Vuolo these days and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“At the end of the day, you want to live a life where you are fully fulfilled, who you were created to be, who God intended you to be,” she said.